Look who's turning Five!

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."

Author: Walt Disney

To my Dear Kira,

I still remember clearly, the day I first set eyes on you.  A crying tiny, babe, bundled up in yellow and blue.  Your cries were soft as you looked at me; frightened and confused just like any baby.

But you weren’t just any other baby, you were my daughter, the child I had dreamed about, longed every night for. 

I held you close to comfort you, but your sobs lingered a day or two.  I knew the love that was here awaiting you, but it would take time for you to trust and know me, just like I too.  We were a pair, the two of us, a mother and daughter who found one another at last. 

Words can’t explain just how much I adore and love you, I can only show you my heart is in my hand, always there to reach out to you.

Now four years later, my love for you is stronger and we understand each other as mother and daughter.  I love your hugs and kisses and combing your soft brown hair.  I love when you snuggle up and ask to be held so tightly, even if you do this every single nightly!

Oh dear Kira, you’ve become quite the young lady, so sweet, kind and gentle, your personality entertains me daily.

Now that you’re going to be five, I look back at the past few years and just sigh. 

They have gone so quickly while I was trying to discover this role of Motherhood; but it’s okay, I got it down now for there's now two in our brood!

My little yummy (aka for Kira),  I just want to say,  I wish you a very healthy and happy Birthday.

Love forever,

Your Mommy

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.

Albert Einstein

Guangzhou and the US Consulate

Finally we are on our way to Guangzhou, China.  This is the last leg of the adoption process and where we met up with many other adoptive families from all over the country and even the world.
It's very tropical and pretty here, but oh I am thrilled that we are in a Hotel with  air conditioning and a nearby Starbucks so Momma here can get her java fix.

We were reunited with our friends, The Gibsons and Kira's new family of friends.  It was wonderful to see  so many smiles from many other adoptive families, holding their new child or children.

Since some recent changes regarding China's adoption policies, qualifying families were now allowed to adopt two children at the same time.  So it was indeed exciting to see just how many adoptive parents were taking advantage of this opportunity.

Thus far Shelby has done nicely and appeared to bond the closest with Kira and myself.  There were no more sobs at night, however, occasionally she would just push me away and try to turn on her side and go to sleep.  I didn't know if that was her routine or some serious grieving, but realized it was the grieving for her foster family and so I would gently rock her to sleep.  I also realized this babe couldn't really turn on her side without some help because of her wide pelvic deformity, so once I realized this, she seemed to appreciate that Momma was there to make her comfortable too:))  Overall Shelby seemed to accept us but again I was preparing myself for another big transition when we got home.

Sweet Sisters!

Oh so happy to see Kira smiling again with her pals.  A wonderful family of seven who Kira connected to immediately.  

 Spencer and Jesse

Kaaren's newest Mei Mei Ellie, isnt' she cute!

My Pouting Princess before playing with the Theobald children.

Happy Girl with The Theobald kiddies!

"Oh do I have to take another photo???"

The Gibson Girls!

Precious Belle and Scarlett (little Scarlett was adopted from Hunan with Kira)

Belle and her new brother Chan.  What a handsome boy!

Of course she's happy because we found out that breakfast is her favorite meal of the day.  Kira even gave her an Ariel doll for the trip!  

So thankfully Shelby passed her medical exam and took the oath at the US Consulate in Guangzhou (November 8, 2011) making her a brand new US Citizen!  I was going to photograph the events but just wanted to get out of there and onto the streets of the pretty Island.  Our time was so limited this journey that I was shooting pics from inside the taxi to and from our hotel.  All went well and we finally got Shelby's passport and US Visa into the states!  

We are so ready to come home!

But first some pics from Guangzhou.

Words can really not express the emotions we have as we now begin our journey home.  We have nurtured some incredible friendships during the adoption process and hope that we can stay in contact with the new families we met as well.  China will always hold a special place in our hearts for allowing us to become the parents of two beautiful girls.  Our Journey to Shelby was filled with surprises and many ups and downs but no matter how frustrated we became or alone we felt, we were really part of one large family, the "Holt Family" and their exemplary staff who worked so hard to get their job done and also make us feel comfortable and right at home here in China. 

We are so grateful and blessed to have our children, but as we said our farewells I couldn't help but think of all the children that still needed the love of families.  I hope that some how this blog can be of some inspiration to any parent considering international adoption.  

Thanks for following our journey.  More photos and updates coming soon!

Bejing Day 2

Today was  a particularly moving day as we had made arrangements to meet up in Bejing with the young woman who was our escort for Kira's adoption in 2008.  Her name is Leah and she will always hold a special place in my heart for all the things she did for us during our journey to Kira.  I sort of tell people that during the adoption, your escort is analogous to a "midwife" helping you through the ups and downs of the transitional phase after the hand off.  Leah and I managed to email occasionally and when we told her we were coming back to China, well, we knew we would have to meet up again!

We went to lunch at a favorite local restaurant and then took the subway to the Bejing Zoo.

While at the Zoo, I told Leah I'd love to get some photos of her (guess I knew a photo op when I saw it).  She agreed and well as you can see she's beautiful and I was able to process this within minutes upon arriving to our hotel.

We had a wonderful time meeting again.  Just as I did 4 years ago when we parted at the airport, I got all teary eyed and then spent the rest of the trip looking for eligible bachlers for her lol.  Guess that's the Mom in me!

We love you Leah!!!

Packing!

Okay so I admit I "bring everything but the kitchen sink" when I have to travel, even if it's for two nights, so imagine a compulsive ADHD mother going overseas for two weeks!  Where do I even begin and what should I bring, not so much for me but for Kira and her new sister. Also the new weight limits for luggage since we last traveled really had me narrow things down.   But after two days of packing and un-packing  I just can not control my excitement and emotions thinking that we are less than 23 hours from departure to China!  So how can I concentrate on what I need to bring:))  Guess I should have started this two weeks ago.  Anyway it's sort of fun to realize how organized I can be when I try to put my mind to it.

I am taking the necessities:  toys for babes, disinfectant wipes, cold remedies, antibiotics (both Kira and I have sinus infections), gifts for orphanage and directors and the list of lists of documents we must bring.  Then there are the tot snacks, Mom snacks and Franki Valli (Jersey Boys) CD's and Kira's favorite TV shows, her blankie and favorite sweatshirt.

We also packed a boat load of chocolate candy and twizzlers, so I can't complain that I didn't bring the right clothes, enough shirts or my instant Via Starbucks.  I took my good friend Natalie's advice and brought Easy Mac for Kira since she thinks it is a food staple around here.

I have so wanted to re-do the blog and catch up but just didn't have the time.  I am hoping we'll be able to blog or post photos from China.  Those of you who want to email, please do as I know we can easily email and Skype.

Next post will hopefully be from Bejing!

We have Visas!

Oh this is truly fun, seeing the Chinese Visa in your passport!  I know sounds silly but it's one step closer to our Shelby.  After months of filing and waiting for more paperwork to be submitted , now it's down to purchasing our tickets and hotel reservations.

Also on my long shopping list of items to bring are various activities to entertain our Kira girl.   She has been very interested in writing and drawing lately and absolutely loves mazes and tracing.  Her art is so stinkin cute I'm going to have to frame some of it!  Meanwhile Kira herself proudly displays her artwork via tape all over the house.
For the trip, I bought her activity books, crayons, and updated my phone with all sorts of fun inter-active games.  In addition I told her she needs to pack her favorite toys to take with in her backpack.  I guess size doesn't matter to a pre-schooler, because she has her blankie, sweatshirt and favorite stuffed animal(s) and princess tee shirts all ready to go.

So now it's onto the checklist of items we must bring, sort of must bring and would like to bring if we don't go over the weight limit of the luggage.  It's hard because of the amount of clothing we need for two different climates (the colder weather in the North and her Provincial City and then the warmer climate of Guangzhou).  I am trying to keep the clothing list down to one weeks worth of items that we can launder.  We've certainly learned a lot from the first time and brought so much we didn't use or couldn't use.  So now it's about necessity (for Momma: earplugs, ipod, valium, granola bars, dried mangoes, sweatpants and chapstick in no particular order).

I so want to bring my camera but the lens and camera body are pretty heavy and there is no such thing as an inexpensive Nikkor lens.  I haven't checked out other compatable lenses but if there's time to do so, it may be worth it.  We may just bring a small point and shoot, hey my iphone has more photos on it than my D700 these days, so perhaps that's all that's needed.

We also have our full Travel Itinerery and I'm so glad we are working with Lotus Travel again.  They are fabulous having answered most of our questions already.

So for those who want to follow our blog here's the itinerary.
- Depart JFK International to Bejing on October 26th
- Arrive Beijing October 27th
- Check into big Hotel (forgot the name)
- Tour the Great Wall October 28th
- Holt Orientation October 29th and more fun tours of Bejing
- Depart Bejing for Gansu October 30th and receive our precious Shelby on arrival to Lanzhou
- Depart Gansu for Guangzhou (five days later also forgot those dates)
- Arrive Guangzhou for US Consulate Appointment
- Depart November 10th for USA!

Hunan Spice is about to be Twice as Nice!

We are done with the paperwork!  This little girl is coming home, next month!  Yippee:))

Last week we received our Travel Approval after a few months of waiting for the final paperwork to be completed.  Now we have our dates and travel itinerary and we're waiting for our Visas.  I was holding my emotions in check for almost 8 months now and when I look at this sweet face I can't believe she is going to be my daughter and I will soon be a Momma to two beautiful children.   We are all so very excited, it's truly another blessing to be able to adopt another child and welcome her with open arms into our family.

Though I have not blogged for months I still wanted to blog about our journey to this very special little girl.

Because of the seriousness of her condition this blog will remain private.  Quite honestly I wasn't going to blog at all but realize how much I miss documenting the milestones and it's a nice way to keep myself organized and occupied during nap time.

So where to start?  How about her name!  We decided after much thought that her Amercian name will be Miss Shelby Emmalin.  Shelby is a name I chose as I wanted her named for my beloved Mother.  Then we found and fell in love with her middle name Emmalin.  I even think she looks like a Shelby!

These are the latest photos we received back in July after we sent her photos of us.  She is finally smiling as she looks as her soon to be new big dog.

She is quite petite from the last update, standing 31 inches tall and weighing in at only 17 pounds.  I know I did this before but totally forgot sizing for onesies, diapers and clothes.  Well at least I'll bring warm clothes this time.  

I have asked our agency if we can get another update on her feeding schedule too as she may still be using bottled milk.  Already put away a few different pacifiers since from the looks of many photos she's quite attached to it and a little green ball given to her when she was in a hospital in Bejing.  

My nerves are starting to get the best of me when I think of what the transition for her will be like.  She is said to be very shy and close to her foster mother, so I am sure it will be very difficult for her.  I think this is always the hardest part of the adoption process.  While we can't wait to hug and love her, it may take her weeks or months to accept us.  I remember how hard Kira cried after the orphanage directors handed her over to me.  Oh my goodness it was heartbreaking and so I am preparing myself that this babe will be do the same.  I guess you do what you can to console them, but ultimately it takes time and so much patience, love and understanding.  Kira undoubtedly is excited and keeps asking when "are we getting my sister"?  I tell her soon, very soon and she just smiles.  Thank goodness Kira is such a sweet and affectionate little girl whom I know will play a major role in helping her sister  make a smooth transition to her new home.

Now there is a checklist of things to bring with us, and I can't forget teething biscuits.  Those were essential when we were in Hunan and I never thought of bringing them.  I think it will be interesting to see how much I can fit in two suitcases!  

So for now I am reminded of one of my favorite poems, which says so much in just a few paragraphs.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One - you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours,
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.
One gave you up - that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
Now you ask through all your tears the age-old question through the years;
Heredity or environment - which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling - neither - just two different kinds of love. 

Author Unknown

Great Fundraiser for Baby Wu's Surgery

Well, I thought I would begin a little fundraising by doing an online auction at my photography blog
Simply Candid Photography.

There are so many wonderful people who have contributed and helped out and there will be more to add this week.  I just wanted to get the party started!

So head on over and find some great props, accessories and other fun things!!!

Please feel free and spread the love.  It will mean so much to us:))

Thank you for stopping by.

There is something wonderful about Adoption

I know so many of my friends and family are waiting to see more photos of our new baby girl but I have been pre-occupied by daydreams!   Honestly I am still overwhelmed by the fact we really are going to have another daughter and a little babe at that:))


My heart is full of joy,  because adoption has changed my life for the better.  I have learned that I am a better person, because I am my daughter's mother.  I have learned that I can love unconditionally and only want the best for my daughter(s).  I have concluded that this job of motherhood is harder than any job any person can take on, but it's more than it's weight in gold.  And, I have realized that adoption transcends all boundries and you realize you are stronger than you ever thought as are the children.   I am still learning and recently discovered how I've become a bit over protective  this time around, of both girls. Perhaps it's because of the nature of her defect or just normal concern.  Now I have two girls to worry about!!!  It's a totally different scenario trying to prepare a tenacious 4 year old for a sibling.  Kira has become very inquisitive about everything, often asking questions that take me completely off guard.  Such as "Why was my sister hatched in China?" yes, she did say that and now asks "Is my sister okay"?  I have explained in very simple terms the nature of her boo boo and thankfully there are many resources available to help me.

We received more photos a few weeks ago but most of them were blurred. As I rushed to open each jpeg I would carefully look at her face, tiny little fingers and think how perfect she is! Then I came upon this photo, actually pretty good quality and thought my goodness, she is so beautiful, with big almond eyes that seem to speak to your heart!  I completely melt when I look at her face and the first time I printed it off, Kira grabbed it and hugged the photo.  I of course, cried, then wiped my face so Kira didn't get upset.  I feel like a complete emotional wreck sometimes because I know all too well the challenges and pain this baby is going through and will continue to go through till she is surgically corrected.

There is something beautiful and wonderful about adoption and right now I just can't seem to put it all into words.  I now understand things I never would have, had I not been give the chance to parent a child.  I also bask in the sweetness of innocence and laughter that takes me back to my own happy childhood memories.

She's so sweet I smile every time I look at her face!

Thinking about the Children of China

Since the day we arrived home with Kira, my husband and I fell in love with our daughter's birth country and desired to adopt again one day.  Now three years later, we completed another Dossier for a special needs child from China.  Two weeks ago were accepted as the proud parents for a sweet 16 month old baby girl from Gansu Province in the People's Republic of China.  She is a very special little girl indeed and we all so happy that she will be joining our family soon.

My days and nights are filled with the chattering of little Kira and her never ending desire for knowledge.  She seems to want to catch up on things and lately starts out every sentence with "I have a question Mommy".  It's so cute, and most of the time her questions are fairly simple.  But at this time, she doesn't really want to discuss her little sister, but will add that "she can have my old clothes" or "I want to come to help fix her boo boo".  Kira is thoughtful, compassionate and certainly wise beyond her 4 yrs.  She also asked me why I had to go to China to get her, because I told Kira that her sister is with other very special babies that do not have parents.  It think that's when she stopped the conversation and changed the subject.  Preparing Kira for this arrival will be tougher than anything I really expected.  She is very attached to me, though happy eager to get to school so she can play with all her friends  Recently she does have "Daddy time" and I love hearing her question him and giggle on and on.  But the reality is our new little addition will require a lengthy surgical procedure and 5 week hospitalization at John's Hopkin's in Maryland.  So I am now trying to figure out all the logistics of how to swing bonding with Baby Wu Ke Xiu  while not affecting Kira for weeks on end.  It occured to me to ask if siblings can stay wtih during the long hospitalization, especially since we'll be from out of town.  I so hope so, because this is such a crucial part of bonding for us all.  However, the baby will be sedated for the most part, from what I understand.  I won't kid myself by saying I am not frightened by it all too, but I have to do what's best for both girls and know staying strong, keeping Kira informed and happy and trying to stay focused will be my goals.

We have the absolute best agency in the World, Holt International Children's Services, whom I like to consider my extended family as they truly look out for both the child they are matching and the families they want to place the children with.  I have worked a bit with Holt over the years, trying to advocate via webinars and writing articles describing our experience in the hope that other waiting families will consider the special needs route, or as Holt now calls it, the "Child of Promise Option".  These are children with fairly correctable conditions or sometimes just older kiddies who for some reason, did not get adopted when they were younger.  As most of our friends and family know Kira had her cleft lip and palate repaired and will require another surgery next year to finally close her palate.  We decided to be more open to a child with a more extensive need such as a heart defect or perhaps another clefting issue.  We also wanted the children to be closer in age or perhaps the same age.  However, it would all depend on the referrals that Holt were receiving monthly.   But when we got Baby Wu's referral, she has a condition called Classic Bladder Exstrophy, something I never hear of, let alone knew exactly what it meant.  But I could not stop looking at her beautiful face, her long eyelashes, tulip lips and long fingers.  I gazed over every inch of her face and just wanted to hold her as tightly as possible.   No doubt she is a most gorgeous child.  Then one by one we looked at all the photos till we got to the photo that shows her condition.

I must say the first thing that entered my mind was how much pain this child must be in all the time.  Her bladder was sitting right outside her tiny abdomen and urine just leaks continually onto raw skin.  The rash on her bottom was awful to look at, her entire bottom was bright red with open sores and tears just filled my eyes.  Then just when I thought I was going to loose it, there was another updated photo of her bottom with the rash and sores all healed.  A sense of relief came over me knowing that somehow she was now receiving some sort of medication to help prevent skin breakdown.  Immediately I got on the internet and called the resources we were given to see exactly what her condition was about and who and where we would consult for surgical correction.  It took perhaps a few days to get the information we needed to make the decision to accept her referral.   One of the many important people I spoke with was, Dr. John Gearhart a delightful children's urologist who will be performing her surgery.  He was so optimistic and re-assuring that he could help her, I just sighed.  He then put me in contact with another family, in fact a nurse who adopted her son with the same condition 11 years ago.  She too was sweet and re-assuring, especially about the hospitalization part.  I felt so much better speaking to families of children with this defect and even watching you-tube videos of teens and how they are dealing with self-esteem.  Pretty amazing in my opinion.


So for now, we wait until our Immigration paperwork gets done.  We have received more photos and even a video clip yesterday.  I'm not sure how to upload it, so I'm posting mostly on Facebook since it's easier!


Will follow up shortly with some fabulous photos.


If anyone is interested in this there is so much information, you just need to know where to look.  I came upon this video and instantly knew that there was no more research to be done!

Two Years ago today I became a Mommy!

HUNAN, CHINA 2008

I HONESTLY CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT IT HAS BEEN EXACTLY TWO YEARS WHEN WE TRAVELED HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD TO MEET A TINY BABY NAMED MENG. BY THE NEXT DAY WE OFFICIALLY HAD ADOPTED HER IN THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA AND NAMED HER KIRA ISABELLA. IT TRULY WAS AN AMAZING JOURNEY THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET!

IT WAS THE END OF A WORK DAY FOR ME IN THE CARDIAC CATH LAB AND MY HUSBAND CALLED AROUND 5PM TELLING ME "YOU JUST BECAME A MOM", I GASPED, RAN OUT INTO THE HALLS (WHERE MY CO-WORKERS WERE) AND SCREAMED "I AM A MOM!" THEY ALL THOUGHT I WAS OUT OF MY HEAD, AFTER ALL NO ONE KNEW ABOUT THE ADOPTION AND THEY ALL THOUGHT MY DOG HAD PUPPIES! I THINK MANY WERE SURPRISED. ACTUALLY I HAD NO IDEA WE WOULD GET A MATCH AFTER WAITING OVER A YEAR AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AT LEAST ANOTHER 6 MONTHS TO ANOTHER YEAR, BUT WE CHOSE TO ADOPT THROUGH OUR AGENCY'S CHILD OF PROMISE OPTION AND THIS TINY INFANT NEEDED A CLEFT LIP AND PALATE REPAIR.

AS WEEKS WENT BY, I KEPT GOING OVER THE DETAILS, MAKING SURE ALL THE PAPERWORK WAS IN ORDER, VISAS, ETC. TO THOSE WHO KNOW ME WELL, THAT WAS A FEAT IN ITSELF BECAUSE I AM NOT THE MOST ORGANIZED PERSON IN THE WORLD AND IN FACT, I WAS LATE FOR MY OWN WEDDING! BUT IN JANUARY 6, 2008 I WAS UBER ORGANIZED AND EARLY.

THE MONTHS PRECEDING THE ADOPTION WERE FULL OF EXCITEMENT AND ANTICIPATION. WHILE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME FOR ME OVERSEAS, I JUST COULDN'T GET TO CHANGSHA FAST ENOUGH. MY HEART WAS IN LOVE WITH A PICTURE WE RECEIVED IN LATE OCTOBER AND AT THAT TIME SHE WAS ONLY 5 MONTHS OLD. I STARTED TO WORRY LIKE ANY EXPECTANT MOMMA, HOPING SHE WOULD BE OKAY AND NOT FALL OUT OF HER CRIB OR WONDER WHETHER SHE WAS BEING HELD IF SHE CRIED OR IF SHE WAS STANDING, WALKING. WHAT WORDS WAS SHE SAYING? SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT WE REALLY NEVER HAD ANSWERS TO UNTIL WE SAW HER AND THEN THE MONTHS OF WAITING AND HUNDREDS OF QUESTIONS JUST FADED AWAY AS MY EYES WERE FIXED ON THIS LITTLE GIRL, BUNDLED IN FOUR LAYERS OF CLOTHES AND SMILING AS WE APPROACHED. SHE COULD STAND WITH HELP, BUT WASN'T WALKING YET. SHE HAD TWO TEETH AND A SOFT VOICE. HER FEATURES WERE PETITE AND DAINTY, SHE WAS SIMPLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILD I HAD EVER SEEN AND I WAS INSTANTLY IN LOVE! MY HEART WAS BEATING FAST BUT SO WAS HERS, MY EYES WERE FULL OF TEARS; AND SO WERE HERS. I HELD HER TIGHT BUT SHE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND KEPT LOOKING AND REACHING FOR HER CARETAKERS. I TRIED TO COMFORT HER, BUT SHE SCREAMED EVEN LOUDER. IN FACT SHE CRIED FOR HOURS TILL WE GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL AND I PUT IN A CHINESE LULLABY CD AND SHE LISTENED INTENTLY TO IT. IN FACT SHE STOPPED CRYING AND STARTED TO LOOK AROUND AT HER NEW WORLD. FROM THAT DAY FORWARD, ALL HER NEW EXPERIENCES WERE ALSO MINE!

THIS CHILD, MY DAUGHTER HAD GIVEN ME SUCH AN INCREDIBLE GIFT, THE GIFT OF MOTHERHOOD.

I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL FOR THOSE WHO HELPED, INSPIRED AND KEPT MY DREAM ALIVE!

YOU ARE SO LOVED MY DEAR CHILD. I HOPE YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW THAT!

LOVE,

MOMMA

Thinking of a Mother across the world

Without giving away my, unhmmm age here, let's just say many years ago the hopes and dreams of becoming a biological Mommy were dashed when I was quite young.   I spent the majority of my adult life trying to find answers and "replacements" for the void I had in my heart.  I've had few regrets along the way, one involving a previous relationship and the other not adopting sooner!!!   This post is still very difficult to write and talk about (goodness knows I'm never at a loss for words).  

However,  sixteen months ago I did become a Mommy, to the most amazing little girl in the world, my daughter Kira!  No one could ever convince me that she didn't come from my womb because of the immense love I have for this child.  I never thought it was possible to love so deeply, unconditionally and without conviction, until this child entered my life.  It is an amazing feeling, one that I am sure any mother biological or adoptive could appreciate and I am so glad that I can thank the PRC and Holt International for making my dream of motherhood, reality.  

However, there is also another very important person who I will always think about, not just on Mother's Day, but sometimes all through the year.  That person is Kira's biological mother, who resides half a world away.  I often hope that she knows how loved her daughter is and that she did find her way into our forever family.  I also hope that she is somehow at peace with herself for having to relinquish her tiny newborn.  I know that this woman loved Kira as she kept her for two months before leaving her to be found in Hunan.  It was due to Kira's clefting issue that we believe led to her abandonment, since surgery and follow up care is so expensive there.  It breaks my heart, but at the same time I know she did the right thing, for her baby's sake.  

So today, I am not thinking of myself, I am thinking of Kira's birth mother. 

ONE YEAR AGO A CHILD WAS PLACED IN MY ARMS

KIRA'S REFERRAL PHOTO, ONLY 5 MONTHS OLD

ANOTHER REFERRAL PHOTO THERE SHE IS, CLUTCHING HER RAG AND FIRECRACKERS?

I simply can not believe that one year ago, a frightened, tiny, fragile baby girl was placed in my arms. Years and YEARs of yearning for a child to call my own, had now culminated in one of the most memorable moments of my life. Though the rest of the trip to China was a blur, the day I held Kira for the first time is one day I will never forget.

We knew that Kira had a repaired cleft lip, and needed surgery for her open palate when she arrived home.  We were told that she was a happy baby who enjoyed the outdoors and being with her caretakers.  She wasn't walking yet, but would pull herself up in the crib.  She weighed only 17 lbs and was 29 inches tall.  She was abandoned at 2 months of age and taken to the You Xian Welfare Institute to reside.  This part of her story makes me sad and happy.  Sad because she bonded with her mother and was then abandoned, we assume because of the clefting issue. She was very malnourished upon arrival to the orphanage so her mother did a brave deed by relinquishing her into care.  Her parents probably could not afford medical or corrective surgical care.   She was found with a birth note and this tiny hat that was given to us when we met her.

I am also happy that we have these precious items and her story to give to her when she is old enough to understand. There is also another amazing connection between this tiny child and my family. Kira's birthday is the same day as my Mother's. What an amazing birthday gift I had for my Mom this time last year.

So after flying over 6,000 miles we landed in Bejing for a day and a half orientation and sightseeing tour. The entire time all I could think about was this child I was about to meet the next day. I had held her referral photo with me everywhere we went and was wondering if I would recognize her. At the end of our agency's orientation a beautiful Oriental tapestry book was handed out to all the families and then there were photos suddenly put up on the slide screen of all our children. Dani and I were looking for Kira and there she was, dressed in a little yellow coat. We opened the book and to our surprise there were more photos of her. I peered down and just started crying happy tears. She seemed bigger in one photo and so tiny in the other. Hey what did I know, I thought an 11 month old is tall, walking, talking and eating on their own. I even imagined my daughter would be this small child with pigtails for some reason, but instead she was a small, beautiful, well cared for tiny infant whom I just couldn't wait to see.

The next day we all left for our childrens' provinces and we flew to Changsha, Hunan. A bus took us to the Civil Affairs Office and I took a deep breath and walked inside. Immediately I could see the baby. She was wearing the same yellow jacket in the photos, only she was so little. It was very surreal to me, the hand off (as it's affectionately known) was very traumatic for this child. She was so bundled in layers of clothing, she kept turning around and looking for her caretakers, screaming a muffled cry because of her open palate. I started crying again and could do absolutely nothing to console her. I even asked the caretakers and our escort if they could console her. But I think it was me that needed consoling, yep, I was bawling even louder than the baby. I probably freaked the kid out! Anyway, the hour or so we spent there exhausted this tiny child and we then traveled back to our hotel by bus. It was on the bus that Kira calmed down a bit. I noticed her looking around and then realized from here on, I will be watching her observing her first new sights, sounds and adventures together. Everything was new to her, the streets, the people, us.

So here's a glimpse of our first moments together and our lives as a new family.

OUR FIRST GLIMPSE OF KIRA
THE HAND OFF

OH THIS IS THE PART THAT JUST GOT TO ME. ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO GO BACK TO HER CARETAKERS. I WAS A COMPLETE STRANGER AND NOTHING WOULD CONSOLE HER SOFT CRIES. I WANTED TO SAY "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE SWEEET CHILD" AND THOUGHT THE KISSES WOULD BE OF SOME COMFORT. BUT POOR BABY CRIED FOR HOURS UNTIL WE GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL. RIGHT BEHIND ME IS LEAH, OUR AGENCY'S ESCORT DURING THE ENTIRE JOURNEY. TO ME SHE WAS MY MIDWIFE, HELPING ME THROUGH EVERYTHING, UNDERSTAND AND CONSOLING THE BABY AND I WHEN NEEDED. HOW I MISS HER!
NOW I'M CRYING PROBABLY LOUDER THAN KIRA
FINALLY CALM AND QUIET. I PUT A CHINESE LULLABY TAPE IN THE COMPUTER AND THE BEAUTIFUL MELODIES SOMEHOW SEEMED COMFORTING AND SOOTHING TO HER. OKAY I AT LEAST DID SOMETHING RIGHT HERE!
PEELING THE LAYERS OF CLOTHES OFF
AFTER 4 SETS OF SHIRTS, PANTS AND 2 JACKETS, THERE SHE WAS, OUR TINY DAUGHTER, SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL
I LOVE THIS PHOTO OF THE BABY LOOKING AT HER DADDY.  
BACK IN MY ARMS, CRYING AGAIN.  WHERE'S THE BOTTLE, CRACKERS, NOODLES, WASHCLOTH.  YES, SHE WANTED A TATTERED OLD WASH CLOTH IN HER LITTLE HANDS.  WE WERE TOLD THAT OFTEN ALL BABIES DID IN THEIR CRIBS WERE PICK AT THEIR CLOTHING OR THE WASH CLOTHS.  THIS WAS THE ONLY THING SHE WANTED, SO THERE IT IS, CLUTCHED TIGHTLY IN HER TINY HANDS.
HERE'S OUR WONDERFUL ESCORTS, ECHO AND LEAH.  THEY ARE THE MOST AMAZING WOMEN I'VE COME TO KNOW.  THEY HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR ALL THE FAMILIES AND CHILDREN.
GOODIE, SHE'S REALLY OURS!  KIRA STAMPED THE PAPERWORK WITH HER FOOT!
SO CUTE!  GUESS THEY KEPT HER SO BUNDLED SHE COULDN'T SIT WITHOUT BEING PROPPED UP WITH PILLOWS.  BY THE FOLLOWING MONTH SHE WAS WALKING!
MY JOY, MY DREAM, MY BABY!
AW, MORE LIKE IT,  FINALLY A HESITANT SMILE (AND MY BIG OPEN MOUTH IN THE BACKROUND)

BEAUTIFUL KIRA TODAY

You first came to us in an envelope

With letters, forms and such

Just two tiny little pictures

With nothing warm to touch.

You grew in our imagination

In our hearts and in our minds.

You brought us greater joy

Than we ever thought we'd find.

A phone call started labor pains

Which lasted 'til we met

Strangers brought together

A day we won't forget.

You bloomed as you were planned

In our hearts, our lives, our home.

Our child of chance, of plan, of will

You're now our very own.

-Unknown Author