For the Love of our Daughter

Finally some new photos of our Gansu Girl that came via Fedex a week ago.  She's very cute and has those big eyes that Kira did at that age.  I can't wait to finally hold her and comfort her.  She has already been through so much recently, including studies of her kidneys and radiographs.  I am hoping when she comes home we won't have to do too much medical stuff for at least a month so bonding can occur.  

This is going to be a very big transition for all, especially for little Kira since she has been the center of my attention for the past three years.  But, I have observed my daughter with other children all year long and sometimes I can't believe what I see.  She'll bend over to comfort another crying child, or wipe their tears from their cheeks.  She's done that to me and I think, how perceptive and grown up for just a 4 yrs old.  She knows her sister has a boo boo that will need repair, but she doesn't know the extend and I don't think she can comprehend it so right now we're taking small steps.  She will be a huge part of everything we do from here on out to help bring her sister home.  That is for Certain!

My husband and I have sat down to try to tally up the financial responsibility of her life saving surgery, travel and lodging back and forth from NJ to Baltimore and other necessities.  What we didn't realize was how very expensive these incidentals will be.  Although our Adoption costs are covered, when we accepted Wu's referral we did not realize her hospitalization would be 6-12 weeks.  We had to choose John's Hopkin's for her procedure, because she only has one shot at obtaining normal bladder function this hospital is one of the top ranking hospital for the treatment of her condition.  I have no doubt this was a good decision.  There are only a handful of hospitals in this country that perform this surgery (Boston's Children Hospital, The Mayo Clinic, Seattle Children's Hospital) an well JH's seemed close enough.

It is my greatest hope that through the next few months we can raise a little bit of money so that I or my husband can stay with the baby during her hospital course.  We are looking into every possible scenario so that bonding time and Kira's routine are not inter-rupted.  With a few decent and fun fundraisers it's my hope that I get to spend at least one night a week with her while Dani is home with Kira.   Dani say's he'll sleep in the chair next to her bed and I had to laugh because having worked in many Intensive Care Units, No One Sleeps!  Not even the patients.  But I hold my hat off to him wanting to be there as much as possible.  I know it will be an exhausting and emotional time in the hours and days post-op, but I also have already spoke to some special professionals at John's Hopkins whom are more than familiar with out of town patients who come there for their expertise.

So for now we have a Fun Run, Bike Ride and some other ideas that have come our way.  I am making some awesome photography props and think that a fun auction of items for photographers would be nice to start off with.

It's difficult to ask people to help, especially in this day of a depressed economy,  but in my heart I know we can do it.  Even if we knew how much the surgery would cost before the adoption, I could never turn this child away because there are no alternatives for her.  So I'll swallow my pride and take it one step at a time!    

The Beauty Beyond a Photo

"The Laughter of girls is,

and ever was,

among the Delightful

Sounds of the earth."

Author: Dequincey

So I keep telling Kira that I need some photos of her to send to her baby sister and last week she agreed to go on a photo shoot in the woods (actually) the golf course.  I would be happy if she let me do this every day, but I'll settle for every few months if I can capture images such as these.  Honestly, while I was working on them I couldn't help but think how cute her face is and then I started thinking about the second part of her surgery that will most like change some of her facial features.  I told my husband I'll let them close the palate, but "that's it"!  I love her nose and three dimples and the way she smiles and makes squinchy faces at me.  But for now I want to enjoy everything about what makes Kira so special.  Her physical beauty captivates me daily, but the beauty within her astounds me.

Kira has a way of making everything fun!

 These are her "Surprises" big sweet baby kisses for Mommy!

And of course there is her famous pouty face, but love it:))

Every now and then I capture a glimpse of the young woman she'll become and

she just has a way of melting my heart.  

At 39 inches tall and barely 30 lbs, she's still just my pint sized sweetie who delights me with her play, wisdom and her enthusiasm.

As Mother's Day approaches, this child reminds me daily how very fortunate I am to be HER Mommy!

There is something wonderful about Adoption

I know so many of my friends and family are waiting to see more photos of our new baby girl but I have been pre-occupied by daydreams!   Honestly I am still overwhelmed by the fact we really are going to have another daughter and a little babe at that:))


My heart is full of joy,  because adoption has changed my life for the better.  I have learned that I am a better person, because I am my daughter's mother.  I have learned that I can love unconditionally and only want the best for my daughter(s).  I have concluded that this job of motherhood is harder than any job any person can take on, but it's more than it's weight in gold.  And, I have realized that adoption transcends all boundries and you realize you are stronger than you ever thought as are the children.   I am still learning and recently discovered how I've become a bit over protective  this time around, of both girls. Perhaps it's because of the nature of her defect or just normal concern.  Now I have two girls to worry about!!!  It's a totally different scenario trying to prepare a tenacious 4 year old for a sibling.  Kira has become very inquisitive about everything, often asking questions that take me completely off guard.  Such as "Why was my sister hatched in China?" yes, she did say that and now asks "Is my sister okay"?  I have explained in very simple terms the nature of her boo boo and thankfully there are many resources available to help me.

We received more photos a few weeks ago but most of them were blurred. As I rushed to open each jpeg I would carefully look at her face, tiny little fingers and think how perfect she is! Then I came upon this photo, actually pretty good quality and thought my goodness, she is so beautiful, with big almond eyes that seem to speak to your heart!  I completely melt when I look at her face and the first time I printed it off, Kira grabbed it and hugged the photo.  I of course, cried, then wiped my face so Kira didn't get upset.  I feel like a complete emotional wreck sometimes because I know all too well the challenges and pain this baby is going through and will continue to go through till she is surgically corrected.

There is something beautiful and wonderful about adoption and right now I just can't seem to put it all into words.  I now understand things I never would have, had I not been give the chance to parent a child.  I also bask in the sweetness of innocence and laughter that takes me back to my own happy childhood memories.

She's so sweet I smile every time I look at her face!

Thinking about the Children of China

Since the day we arrived home with Kira, my husband and I fell in love with our daughter's birth country and desired to adopt again one day.  Now three years later, we completed another Dossier for a special needs child from China.  Two weeks ago were accepted as the proud parents for a sweet 16 month old baby girl from Gansu Province in the People's Republic of China.  She is a very special little girl indeed and we all so happy that she will be joining our family soon.

My days and nights are filled with the chattering of little Kira and her never ending desire for knowledge.  She seems to want to catch up on things and lately starts out every sentence with "I have a question Mommy".  It's so cute, and most of the time her questions are fairly simple.  But at this time, she doesn't really want to discuss her little sister, but will add that "she can have my old clothes" or "I want to come to help fix her boo boo".  Kira is thoughtful, compassionate and certainly wise beyond her 4 yrs.  She also asked me why I had to go to China to get her, because I told Kira that her sister is with other very special babies that do not have parents.  It think that's when she stopped the conversation and changed the subject.  Preparing Kira for this arrival will be tougher than anything I really expected.  She is very attached to me, though happy eager to get to school so she can play with all her friends  Recently she does have "Daddy time" and I love hearing her question him and giggle on and on.  But the reality is our new little addition will require a lengthy surgical procedure and 5 week hospitalization at John's Hopkin's in Maryland.  So I am now trying to figure out all the logistics of how to swing bonding with Baby Wu Ke Xiu  while not affecting Kira for weeks on end.  It occured to me to ask if siblings can stay wtih during the long hospitalization, especially since we'll be from out of town.  I so hope so, because this is such a crucial part of bonding for us all.  However, the baby will be sedated for the most part, from what I understand.  I won't kid myself by saying I am not frightened by it all too, but I have to do what's best for both girls and know staying strong, keeping Kira informed and happy and trying to stay focused will be my goals.

We have the absolute best agency in the World, Holt International Children's Services, whom I like to consider my extended family as they truly look out for both the child they are matching and the families they want to place the children with.  I have worked a bit with Holt over the years, trying to advocate via webinars and writing articles describing our experience in the hope that other waiting families will consider the special needs route, or as Holt now calls it, the "Child of Promise Option".  These are children with fairly correctable conditions or sometimes just older kiddies who for some reason, did not get adopted when they were younger.  As most of our friends and family know Kira had her cleft lip and palate repaired and will require another surgery next year to finally close her palate.  We decided to be more open to a child with a more extensive need such as a heart defect or perhaps another clefting issue.  We also wanted the children to be closer in age or perhaps the same age.  However, it would all depend on the referrals that Holt were receiving monthly.   But when we got Baby Wu's referral, she has a condition called Classic Bladder Exstrophy, something I never hear of, let alone knew exactly what it meant.  But I could not stop looking at her beautiful face, her long eyelashes, tulip lips and long fingers.  I gazed over every inch of her face and just wanted to hold her as tightly as possible.   No doubt she is a most gorgeous child.  Then one by one we looked at all the photos till we got to the photo that shows her condition.

I must say the first thing that entered my mind was how much pain this child must be in all the time.  Her bladder was sitting right outside her tiny abdomen and urine just leaks continually onto raw skin.  The rash on her bottom was awful to look at, her entire bottom was bright red with open sores and tears just filled my eyes.  Then just when I thought I was going to loose it, there was another updated photo of her bottom with the rash and sores all healed.  A sense of relief came over me knowing that somehow she was now receiving some sort of medication to help prevent skin breakdown.  Immediately I got on the internet and called the resources we were given to see exactly what her condition was about and who and where we would consult for surgical correction.  It took perhaps a few days to get the information we needed to make the decision to accept her referral.   One of the many important people I spoke with was, Dr. John Gearhart a delightful children's urologist who will be performing her surgery.  He was so optimistic and re-assuring that he could help her, I just sighed.  He then put me in contact with another family, in fact a nurse who adopted her son with the same condition 11 years ago.  She too was sweet and re-assuring, especially about the hospitalization part.  I felt so much better speaking to families of children with this defect and even watching you-tube videos of teens and how they are dealing with self-esteem.  Pretty amazing in my opinion.


So for now, we wait until our Immigration paperwork gets done.  We have received more photos and even a video clip yesterday.  I'm not sure how to upload it, so I'm posting mostly on Facebook since it's easier!


Will follow up shortly with some fabulous photos.


If anyone is interested in this there is so much information, you just need to know where to look.  I came upon this video and instantly knew that there was no more research to be done!

Spring is Finally Here!

We are so glad that Spring is here!  Just as quickly as the snow melt, there are trees already to blossom.

I am quite amazed how my girl has blossomed too, for instance she's now an official Frankie Valli fan, and must listen to "Big Girls Don't Cry" (which I shall reminder of next time we're trying to check out without buying M&M's or Skittles)!  She is desperately trying to read, and insists on reading no less than 3 books before bed.  I love her new found interest in reading and music (I've even caught her singing too her babies), awh nothing is as magical as the mind of a child.

I Love how she knows where to put her fingers on the frets

I know I used to write so much more, but I think these photos speak to the personality of my tot much more than I can.

February Musings

I admit, I'm a slacker when it comes to blogging these days. I find it amusing that my tot and her activities can keep me so busy, and these are just the pre-school years!!! However she loves to dance and go to gymnastics and I so love watching her.


So when I'm not on Facebook or editing photos, I try to convince Kira to model for me. It's not that easy and believe me, things go flying around the room. However, I did manage to capture some amazing images this month and as I go through them, I can actually see how my daughters' toddler face is emerging into more of a little girl now. She's got the cutest dimples and a smile that always melts my heart. I still pinch myself, yes three years later, to remind me how fortunate I am to be her mother:))

Happy Birthday Sweet Child

Yes, my child is turning 4 years old today!  I can not believe it because I think I am still on "pause" mode, trying to preserve the previous 3 years to the best of my ability.  I watched her at a year old trying to take her first steps and make sense of adorable babble.  Now she can out run the fastest toddlers in town and yes (it's hard to believe) but she can actually out talk me, her Momma!!!  It's hilarious.

Kira is truly a Mommy's girl, which I absolutely love especially when she tries to intentionally act older by softly telling me to "go over there Momma so I can make some friends" and then as evening falls she will cuddle up with her favorite blankie, sweatshirt, book and pj's and want me to hold her "very tight" till she drifts off to sleep.  I savor these moments especially because she's just so busy all day!  When she's finally fast asleep I look down at her and still see a baby.  I stare at her wondering if she'll remember these tender moments, but for certain I will.

This child is so very special in so many ways, not because she's my daughter but because of her innate ability to comfort others.  Her personality is evolving but she remains so giving, loving and affectionate to her parents and family.  She's concerned and asks many questions, which I try to answer on her level.  She's maintained an incredible sense of humor that still amazes and surprises me.  Loving her is easy and so natural and I smile to myself thinking how fortunate and proud I am to be her mother.

So we wish you a wonderful Birthday sweet Kira as you continue to grow and explore your world.  You remain the center of our world, today and always.

You are so very loved!

January Ramblings

I so can not believe that it is January already!  Our third Gotcha Day was on January 7th, last Friday.  It feels like yesterday when I first held this child, my gorgeous baby girl in my arms (only now she's 20 lbs heavier) and it's been three entire years?  Okay, so now I see what everyone means when they say "they grow up fast", it's true.  I had to look at a few videos of her as a baby to realize how grown up she is now.  It is strange to hear her babbling back then and think "when is she going to talk"?  Now it's the reverse, I try to recall those first few months as a new mother and remember how awkward it was to ease on into my new job.  Yikes there was no internship or mentoring, more like flying by the seat of one's pants!  Fortunate for me I did have amazing role models, my Mother and my sister who happily advised me when needed.

I know I re-made this blog so I would write more often, yet somehow I can't find enough hours in the day to write or perhaps it's that I'm too tired or java'd out and can't sit still:))  yeah, that's more like it and explains my insomnia.

My photography has slacked off because I dropped my camera, BUT bought a full frame Nikon to replace it and if there was ever motivation to go and pursue my business this camera is it.  The photos are magnificent directly out of the camera.  I have been contemplating (before my other camera fell to the ground)  buying another 1/2 framed Nikon but my husband surprised me with the D700 and I can see for sure why it's worth the money!  This time around I'm insuring this expensive piece of equipment, including accidental falls.  Anyway I did manage to get some amazing photos of Kira  and even with slow shutter, ISO and aperture wide open, there was barely any blur, except when the tot started throwing things at me.

So now I'm also trying to get creative and sort out the toys, photos, learning books and make my living room look "user friendly", well I guess it is user friendly, perhaps neat and tidy, or just clean would be more like it.  I've lost track on how many times I've tripped over a block, shoe or some technological talking toy.  I need cabinets, drawers and shelves stacked at least to the ceiling.  Just can't decide what kind of look to go for.  Crate and Barrel, PB or Home Depot.  It doesn't matter as long as the toys get put away by the end of the week LOL!

For now, the holidays have passed and a New Year is here.  I didn't make any resolutions, but decided I do need to get out more, exercise and eat better (dried mangoes and soy lattes don't count as protein and veggies)  Also bought a work out tape, but find watching others working out more interesting and less breathless.  I remember the good old days when I would ski hours on end, or work hours on end (without a break) and now wonder how I did it.  Maybe more soy lattes???  Actually I was recently introduced to the WII or some facsimile there of and found it so much fun.  Hmmm, next investment perhaps!

Okay enough rambling for now.  Some of my favorite photos of my babe "working it" as she says when she allows me to take some photos of her.

Happy New Year!

Some Fav's from 2010

In just a few hours a brand we will all be celebrating a brand New Year.  I really can not comprehend how quickly time marches on and as I gaze at my sweet toddler I can't help but realize how fast the past few years have gone by.

I remember how I couldn't wait for her to talk, though now I listen to her tiny voice chattering on and on and that is just within this past year.  She's so independent and refuses my help, in fact she told me to "go and sit down so I can make friends" this summer in the pool.  Gasp!  I didn't realize nosy Mom's could hinder toddler friendships this early.  She also informed me and everyone she meets that she has a "boyfriend, named B who likes dinasaurs" and proceeded to place his photo next to hers in the living room wall.  She greets people in the market by asking their name and admiring nail polish or jewelry and can easily carry on a decent phone conversation.  Yep, just couldn't wait to hear her putting words together and now she "pretend" reads and is starting to sound out words.  I have no clue if this is age appropriate for toddlers and can't take credit as I surely do not speak spanish in the house and Kira is often found counting and addressing her dolls in spanish!  Guess I owe Nick Jr. for that.  I now wonder what effect Looney Tunes had on me LOL (I shouldn't even answer that)!

Anyway, my thoughts are on the coming year as I now try not to rush through life.  This past year was my 35th High School Renunion and again I sighed, cried and laughed at the memories and wondered where did those years go.  I suppose we keep so busy, it's natural to not gage time in years.  Now I cuddle with Kira during bedtime, holding her ever so tightly and realize every day how she breathes fresh air into my world and how much I appreciate my daughter for the little girl she is becoming.

2010 has been an interesting year, in politics, world affairs and in our home!  Since I haven't written much during the past year I plan to keep this blog up to the best of my ability.

So to my Dear Family and Friends I wish you all the very best in 2011, mostly harmony, good health and the ability to continue to nurture and continue to create the happy memories we will eventually look back upon.

Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

Tiny Dancer

A few months back we were in a store and Kira was playing with a jewelry box with a little ballerina twirling atop it.  She asked me what it was and I tried to explain.  So for the coming weeks she expressed in her words, "I want to be a ballereen".  So what's a Momma to do, why of course start ballet classes! Not sure if she was enjoying this new venture, I asked if I could photograph the girls as they practiced for the upcoming Holiday show.  What impressed me was how much fun Kira was having, spinning, twirling and inter-acting with the other children.  It was so cute to watch them I couldn't help but smile the entire time.

The day of the show I made sure that Kira received official "stage pampering", you know the updew, facial makeup, sparkles, mani/pedi and matching lipstick and body sparkles.  It was fun putting on her makeup, she even enjoyed mascara.

Then the dancers were called to line up and head to the stage down the hall.  I grabbed my gear, ran to the theatre just in time to see them perform.  AND THERE SHE WAS, my little Sugar Plum, STAGE RIGHT...just standing there looking for me, the entire performance!  Well at least she didn't run off the stage (they had stage catchers just in case)!  She proudly and gracefully bowed to the audience as everyone clapped and promptly fell asleep in the car on the way home.

Ok, first, you pay careful attention to the dance teacher,

Then you think "should I eat my pb and j or get in front of a huge crowd and cry:))

Then again this is a pretty Ballereen Dress

So she carefully observes the other dancers, takes her friends hand, and then...she dances!

in perfect form, at home!

That's my girl, I so love you.

Welcome to our new blog!

Welcome to my new and improved blog makeover!

I am so happy with my new blog and want to send a huge shout out to Rita of Coffee Shop Designs for creating our new refreshing and inspiring look. I wanted something elegant yet simple and would showcase my reason for blogging, my Spicy tot, Kira Isabella.

Writing has always been an outlet of expression for many kinds of emotions and/or for teaching methods. So I am sure I will back on the road expressing what I feel is important as well as bragging with some great photographs of my daughter.

I have missed documenting so many of the good things this year, I guess I have a lot to catch up on. For now, I'll share our Holiday portrait that many of you will be receiving soon. Well though I love photographing children, my girl will do just about anything to stray away from the camera. She has grown into a little girl this past year, a very mature little girl I must say. She wears her heart on her sleeve, is about as stubborn as any tot should be and when I capture one of her "famous" funny faces as she calls them, she truly melts my heart. I simply love her surprise kisses and those tiny dimples:))

Fall is in the air, Finally!

EITHER IT WAS ONE HOT SUMMER OR I'VE BECOME VERY HEAT INTOLERANT! I'M JUST SO HAPPY TO FEEL THE COOL FALL BREEZE AND SLEEP WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN AGAIN.

THE LAST FEW DAYS WERE SO PRETTY AND WINDY, KIRA AND I MADE A FEEBLE ATTEMPT AT KITE FLYING YESTERDAY AND THEN WE BROUGHT OUT HER 12 INCH BICYCLE AND WENT FOR A LITTLE RIDE, OR I SHOULD SAY SHE WENT FOR THE RIDE. SHE'S SO LIGHT THAT THE WIND BLEW HER CLEAR DOWN THE BLOCK! GUESS I SHOULD HAVE MADE THE TOT RIDE INTO THE WIND!

WE ARE GEARING UP FOR A NEW PRE-SCHOOL PROGRAM THREE DAYS A WEEK AND SOME MAJOR SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES, FOR KIRA OF COURSE. MY LIGHT WEIGHT HAS GROWN AND I THINK HER PUDGY BABY THIGHS ARE NOW OFFICIALLY TODDLER MUSCLES. SHE'S 37 INCHES TALL NOW WEIGHING IN AT A WHOPPING 28 POUNDS! BUT DON'T LET THAT FOOL YA, SHE CAN LEAD A 100 POUND DOG AROUND LIKE A COUPLE OF POODLES.

KIRA'S WORLD:

THIS CHILD CONTINUES TO AMUSE AND AMAZE ME AS I AM PRIVILEGED ENOUGH TO WITNESS HER DAILY ANTICS. SHE HAS BECOME QUITE PROFICIENT AT STORY TELLING AND WILL BEGIN A SENTENCE WITH "REMEMBER THE OTHER DAY WHEN..."

I JUST LOVE IT AND HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SHE GOT THAT FROM. SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO GET SOMEWHERE WITHOUT A GPS, WHICH IS QUITE EMBARRASSING (ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE HAS TO TELL ME TO TURN AROUND). SHE KNOWS HER ADDRESS AND CAN WRITE HER NAME WHICH IMPRESSES ME BECAUSE ON ANY GIVEN DAY I CAN'T REMEMBER MY OWN PHONE NUMBER!

HER LOVE AND GENEROSITY CONTINUES TO BLOSSOM AND SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT "SHARING MAKES US HAPPY" on most days!

FAVORITE TOYS:

MY iMAC

THE PRINCESSES DOLLS

DINOSAURS

BINOCULARS

PAINTING AND COLORING (ALL OVER THE WALLS, CARPET, HERSELF)

JUMPING ON THE "PRAMPOLINE" AS SHE CALLS IT (I THINK TODDLER LANGUAGE IS SO CUTE).

FAVORITE TV SHOWS:

DORA AND DIEGO

OSWALD AND WEENIE

BACKYARDIGANS

ELMO

FAVORITE MOVIES:

SHREK

SHREK

SHREK

AND SHREK 2

ARIEL

NEMO

AVATAR

FAVORITE BOOKS:

ANYTHING PRINCESS OR MERMAID RELATED

BARON AND FLUFFY

DO LIKE A DUCK DOES

THE POUT POUT FISH

GOODNIGHT MOON (MY ALL TIME FAVORITE)

FAVORITE FOODS:

MAC AND CHEESE!

PIZZA

CHICKEN FINGERS

YES IT WAS A SWEET SUMMER FOR SO MANY REASONS. I AM HAPPY THAT AUTUMN IS IN THE AIR AND BOTH KIRA AND I ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO NEW ADVENTURES.

I LOVE YOU SWEET, PRECIOUS KIRA!