Thinking of a Mother across the world

Without giving away my, unhmmm age here, let's just say many years ago the hopes and dreams of becoming a biological Mommy were dashed when I was quite young.   I spent the majority of my adult life trying to find answers and "replacements" for the void I had in my heart.  I've had few regrets along the way, one involving a previous relationship and the other not adopting sooner!!!   This post is still very difficult to write and talk about (goodness knows I'm never at a loss for words).  

However,  sixteen months ago I did become a Mommy, to the most amazing little girl in the world, my daughter Kira!  No one could ever convince me that she didn't come from my womb because of the immense love I have for this child.  I never thought it was possible to love so deeply, unconditionally and without conviction, until this child entered my life.  It is an amazing feeling, one that I am sure any mother biological or adoptive could appreciate and I am so glad that I can thank the PRC and Holt International for making my dream of motherhood, reality.  

However, there is also another very important person who I will always think about, not just on Mother's Day, but sometimes all through the year.  That person is Kira's biological mother, who resides half a world away.  I often hope that she knows how loved her daughter is and that she did find her way into our forever family.  I also hope that she is somehow at peace with herself for having to relinquish her tiny newborn.  I know that this woman loved Kira as she kept her for two months before leaving her to be found in Hunan.  It was due to Kira's clefting issue that we believe led to her abandonment, since surgery and follow up care is so expensive there.  It breaks my heart, but at the same time I know she did the right thing, for her baby's sake.  

So today, I am not thinking of myself, I am thinking of Kira's birth mother. 

Rain Rain go away!

A sunny Spring Day!  Amazing, the rain has finally subsided, at least for a while anyway.  Even Kira has been saying "outside" Mommy.  I think it's kind of cute that she asks to go outside because one of the first things that I recall from her social evaluation in You Xian was being fond of the outdoors.  And so she is, just like me:))

The past few days we've been playing and watching the flowers start to peek out of my little garden.  The grass is so green and the remnants of a cold winter are now long forgotten.  I almost can't believe that it's Spring, but every where you look there's pretty reminders.

I have neglected my blog and for good reasons.  My sweet daughter usually must have most of my attention, which makes it difficult to blog and keep up.  In addition, I am pursuing my love for photography and have been practicing diligently, which I find is quite time consuming.  Howver, it's so worth it and I can't wait to capture more photos of Kira.  Currently, she runs from the camera or turns her head and who could blame her:))  My good lens requires that I get right up in her face and I guess I would be put out too.  Give her a ball, elmo and a few skittles though and I think she'll cooperate.  Now I need an assistant to direct the light (as I now know from the Pixel Fairy Princess Workshop).  

Mom me

This week I chose this photo to follow along with the theme Daughters, from We Picture {This}. She's not the biggest fan of the camera which is almost daily in her face, so it's hard to get smiles. However I did get catch light in those baby brown eyes! I just love my baby more than I can explain. This child's personality and sweetness just grows every day! SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, the child I dreamed of my entire life, the little girl who has captured my heart and for that I am thankful, every single day!




OVER THE LAST WEEK I HAVE NOTICED AN INCREDIBLE INCREASE IN KIRA'S VOCABULARY, NOW USING 2 AND 3 WORD SENTENCES.  AFTER OUR SPEECH CONSULTATION I WAS GIVEN A LIST OF THINGS TO PRACTICE TO HELP KIRA'S SPEECH.   SO DOESN'T IT FIGURE I TRIED A FEW THINGS AND SHE'S PRACTICALLY GIVING SPEECHES!

HERE'S MY FAVORITE STORY OF WHAT THE TITLE "MOMMY" MEANS TO MY DAUGHTER.

ONE OF HER FIRST NEW WORDS IS "ME", WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE SHE NOW REFERS TO HERSELF INSTEAD OF ELMO! 

SO WHEN SHE WANTS TO GET MY ATTENTION SHE YELLS "MOM" "ME".  I JUST LAUGH TO MYSELF THINKING HOW SMART SHE IS AND HOW STUPID I FEEL.  THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT I THOUGHT, GREAT SHE'S NOW CALLING ME MOMMY, AND THINKING HOW DO THEY LEARN THAT IN JUST ONE DAY?  WELL, I WILL HAVE TO CHECK ON THE WEBSTERS VERSION, BUT I THINK KIDS CREATED "MOMMY" MEANING "MOM" "ME".

OTHER WORDS:

• PURPLE BALLOON
  
• COOKIE
  
• BYE BYE BALLOON (WHEN I LET GO AND IT FLEW UP AND AWAY) OH DID I HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO)
  
• PEN
• NAH
• OOPS
• CAT BOOK
• ELMO BALL
• HI FISHIES

SHE KNOWS HER PRIMARY COLORS, SHAPES AND MOST OF THE ALPHABET, AND EVERY ANIMAL SOUND I COULD MAKE:)) SHE  OCCASSIONALLY BARKS AND NOW HAS LEARNED TO HOWL LIKE THE DOG.  SHE TWEETS LIKE A BIRD AND QUACKS FOR THE DUCKS.  I THINK THIS TIME IS JUST AMAZING AS I HEAR HER MAKING NOT JUST WORDS, BUT SENTENCES!  WHAT A LONG WAY SHE HAS COME, FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO SAY ANY WORDS BUT MAMA (WHICH MEANT FOOD) BEFORE THE PALATE REPAIR LAST YEAR, TO NOW REPEATING BACK ALMOST EVERY WORD SHE HEARS.  SHE HAS THE SWEETEST VOICE AND I SO LOVE TO WATCH HER PLAY AND "ACT" WITH HER LITTLE STUFFED ANIMAL FRIENDS.  

YES, EVERYONE HAS TOLD ME SHE WILL SPEAK AND IT HAS BEEN AN OVERNIGHT OCCURENCE.   SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO STILL HAVE BABIES, EMBRACE THEIR BABBLING!  I KNOW IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE MY DAUGHTER WILL LEAVE HER JARGON AND BABBLING BEHIND HER, AND IN SOME WAYS I'LL MISS IT.  HOWEVER, IT'S ANOTHER MILESTONE SHE HAS ACHIEVED!

NOW IF ONLY I COULD STOP BABBLING!

A skip, hop and dance for Daddy

SMILING SWEETIE

JUST ONE MINUTE HERE! (HER EXPRESSIONS JUST MAKE ME LAUGH)

ME AND MY BEE 

AS YOU CAN TELL KIRA'S VERY EXCITED TO SEE HER DADDY!

DADDY'S HOME!

OKAY, I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I WASN'T QUITE IN THE MOOD TO EDIT ALL THE PHOTOS, SO MOST OR SOOC.  I JUST HAD TO POST THEM BECAUSE SHE LOOKED SO STINKIN CUTE AND I JUST LOVE HER SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!  

My Spring Flower

SHE GENTLY TIPTOES  OVER THE MELTING MORNING DEW, COVERING THE SEEDLINGS.  CAREFUL AND GRACEFUL ARE EACH STEP, AS THE SUN CASTS A SWEET GLOW ON HER FACE.

WITH MY CAT IN ONE HAND AND A FLOWER FOR YOU, SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SOFTLY SAYS, "MOMMA", I LOVE YOU!

WELL, NOT REALLY, BECAUSE SHE'S ONLY TWO, BUT I HEAR THOSE WORDS IN MY HEART EVERY TIME I HOLD YOU.

MY SWEET CHILD, YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS IN EVERY WAY;

YOUR SWEET SMILE, GENTLE HUGS AND PERSONALITY

ARE ATTRIBUTES I LOOK FORWARD TO EVERY DAY!

YES PRETTY CHILD, SO MANY ADORE AND LOVE YOU!  IT IS A GIFT TO BEHOLD THE LOVE YOU SHARE WITH OTHERS.

YOU STAND STEADFAST AND DETERMINED TO LEARN THIS BIG WORLD AROUND YOU.   

AND YOU ARE, BABY DOLL, YOU ARE!

THE DOORS TO WISDOM, TRUTH AND HUMILITY, ARE ALWAYS OPEN, IT'S  THE PATHS WE TAKE THAT LEAD US TO WHERE WE WILL BE.

SO IF YOU'RE EVER AT A CROSS ROAD, AND WONDER WHICH WAY TO GO, REACH INSIDE YOUR HEART, AND REMEMBER MY WORDS...AND BABY, YOU WILL KNOW!

Okay, I know stop rhyming already!  I was just going to post these pictures and suddenly got an urge to write, Yikes, when I read it, I feel like I just wrote some lyrics to a bad country love song (no offense to country music, it's one of my fav's).

However, I don't get the chance to express my feelings for this child these days, since she keeps me on my toes, so I thought I just let the photos inspire me.

And she does inspire me!

Lady Peep Boutique

I've had quite a few comments on the dresses in some of the photos that Kira's wearing. The green flowered dress was made by my sweet friend Daleea who designs her own clothes for children.

I love her dresses, professionally serged, seamed and made with love. So please take a look and visit her at Lady Peep Boutique. 

Will post more photos of her dresses.

A play on words

Having spent the majority of my spare time trying desparetly to learn post-processing editing techniques, I realized that this week has flown by and my little darling was trying to tell me a few things!

For example, the other day she was trying to say "BUTTERFLY", instead it came out as 'BUTTFLY"!  Now, was she trying to tell me something here.  Afterall she is the center of my world and should be the center of attention around here, right!  So I just laughed at her newly acquired word and gently tried to correct her, but she kept looking at me and saying "BUTTFLY".

So today, I took much needed time away from the computer, books, editing, and realized that my tiny peanut is starting to really talk, repeating words, intently listening to sounds and words around her. Okay so they don't come out exactly as they should, but it's so cute to hear her uttering words and talking to Elmo saying, "no", un huh", shhh, the same things she hears me saying!  So maybe I have been a BUTTFLY this week, and I so apologize sweet baby if I seemed distracted, however, I have captured some great photos of you, which I hope to scrapbook as I continue on this new venture of learning to take better photos.  

It is with joy and pleasure that I look into those big brown eyes and say how much I love you Kira.  My hope is that these photos will capture the essence of your childhood, of who you are and the happiness you bring into my life, every minute of every day!

Nice day to play and jump

WASN'T THE BEST PHOTO BECAUSE THE HAT GOT IN THE WAY OF HER EYES, HOWEVER, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PHOTOSHOP IT OUT AND JUST CREATED MY OWN PRESET.  ALSO DEBATED IF I SHOULD POST IT.  
NOTICE BOTH FEET ARE OFF THE GROUND!  

YES I LOVE MATILDA JANE, BUT SO DOES MY DAUGHTER NOW AND SINCE SHE'S SO PETITE, EVERYTHING IS BIG, BUT WE MANAGE BY ROLLING HERE, TUCKING THERE!  I WASN'T GOING TO PUT THE SCARF ON BUT SINCE IT HAS POM POMS (OR BALLS) LIKE KIRA SAY'S SHE HAD TO WEAR IT.

A FEW FUN SHOTS FROM YESTERDAY, NOW I REALIZE THAT I NEED THIS 50MM LENS, BADLY!  I WOULD GET BETTER BOKEH AND CLEARER PHOTOS.  

CRITIQUES WELCOME (on photos only)!

Dresses and my Big Dog

KIRA JUST LOVES FLOWERS, ANYTHING WITH FLOWERS ON THEM AND REAL FLOWERS, JUST LIKE HER MOMMA! 

I just laughed when I saw this photo because I told her to hold her dress up and pose pretty for me and she did (with the flower stuck to her nose).

I LOVE THIS PHOTO, SHE'S SEEMS SUCH A BIG GIRL, YET STILL A BABY.
ANOTHER SWEET PHOTO MOMENT.

Okay, so now that I am not too frustrated teaching myself Lightroom, I have managed to create some okay photos.  I don't think I could ever shoot a bad photo of Kira, however, she's taking to the camera now and seems to enjoy posing!  

By the way, this dress was made for Kira by my dear friend Daleea.   Thank you Daleea for the taking the time to make "another Peep" dress.  Can't you tell how much Kira loves them?  I love these Frocks and they're so versatile.  The baby loves to twirl in them and obviously I had a few made in flower prints for her.  She didn't want to take this off today, but I traded her something else to wear so we could go and take her dog for a walk.  Funny baby.

HERE WOOF WOOF SMELL THIS!

NO THANKS, I'M JUST SITTING IN FOR THE PICTURE KID.

What was so funny is that the dog saw me taking photos and he didn't like being left out so moved his way on the same step, sat there and wanted in.  SMART DOGGIE!  

I'M TELLING YA WOOF WOOF, IT SMELLS GOOD (as she shoves it in his face)  

Funny baby, funny dog!  

Flashback Friday

I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I GOT THE IDEA TO PUT KIRA IN HER TUTU FROM MY FRIEND KATE, WHO TOOK A GREAT PHOTO OF HER BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER THIS WEEK IN A HOT PINK PETTISKIRT!  GREAT SHOT KATE!

ANYWAY, SINCE KIRA REALLY LIKES TO DRESS UP I THOUGHT, HMMM SHE MIGHT POSE FOR ME...AND HOW RIGHT I WAS!  SHE WAS RUNNING AND TWIRLING AND THOUGHT THIS SKIRT WAS SOMETHING ELSE, and it SURE WAS BECAUSE SHE WAS WEARING IT!  YES, I know this great photo is blurred and the camera was even on auto.  I think the blurring adds dimension and motion.  So I did one on black and white for Shutterbug.

I had purchased this tiny skirt before we adopted her and last January found the photo of her in it when we first brought Kira home.  She didn't look to pleased with that stiff material around her then.  Now, she loves it.  

I'M ONLY GONNA DANCE WITH MY BOY ELMO!

CHECK OUT THE TOES!

I THINK SHE'S DOING FIFTH POSITION HERE, OR TRYING TO!

ALWAYS ON THE RUN

CUTIE PATOOTIE!

BABY JUST TURNED ONE WHEN THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN.

What has Kira is up to these days

So for the past few weeks, I admit I have been totally obsessed with trying to learn my camera equipment. However, my little daughter seems to know that I am spending way too much time with equipment and not enough time with her! So, the last few times I attempted to get onto the computer, she climbs onto my lap, takes my face in her hands and plants a kiss on my face! It is truly sweet, and remarkably smart. However, when I don't heed her need for immediate attention, things start flying around, like my eye glasses (at least it's not the camera, yet)!  So I am trying to blog at least weekly.

This month Kira acquisition and "appropriate" use of word sets has just taken off.  Now here's a bit of what she is saying very clearly.

Mom instead of Maaaaa

Addy for Daddy

Elmo

Butterfly (yes I know, it's three syllables, but she likes saying it)

Ba Ba Ba bird (tropical bird, from the baby einstein DVD)

Lion

Atik (meaning cat)

woof woof (referring to her dog)

mwah (more)

moo (milk) LOL

potty

purple

een (green)

Hi

bye bye

baby

There are so many others I can't recall currently.

Favorite Activities:

Run

Jump

Climb

Swing

Walk the dog (with me of course)

Dance

Babble (love that)

Learn new words

Play outside

Read

Music

Favorite Foods:

Veggies

Cheese

French Fries (baked sweet potatoe fries)

juice

soy milk

blueberries

yogurt

cereal

my favorite carrot raisin muffins

Favorite Toys:

Play Kitchen

Elmo

Crayon and books

She's such an endearing child.  I love to watch her play, mostly I just LOVE HER!

I used to be able to count her words on one hand and now I can't keep track, good job baby girl!

She loves to dress up in her princess outfits that Natalie sent her, it's a riot to see her with those shoes on.  She also has started a lot of pretend play with her new kitchen set.

She knows her colors, shapes and can point out some alphabets.  And, finally likes me to read to her.  She colors outside the lines, runs instead of walks, babbles away.  

Black and White

This month's them at We Picture {this} is photos in Black and white.  I actually love BW photos but couldn't think of just one, so let me know which are your favorites here!

Now that I am finally having more fun with black and white I just had to add a few of my absolute favorite photos!