Tuesday, May 1, 2007

It's that time of the month again!

Yep, it's that time of the month again, meaning the first week of every month when we all find out how quick or slow the CCAA has progressed in April. For me, this means my palms are sweating, my heart is skipping a beat and I am sure I will make Dani completely crazy for at least the next few days trying to make sense of why the wait keeps getting longer. As I write this blog entry an email awaits me from our agency notifying all of the dates the CCAA has matched up to and usually the Provinces the children from which this group of children came from. I don't know whether to delete it, or open it out of pure curiosity. But my curiosity may turn into this pain of disappointment if they haven't finished October yet.
Every month I try a new approach, emotionally that is, like empathy, jubilation (haven't felt that since they did 2 entire months of reviews), anticipation, apathy, logic, distractions (shopping is a good one), lately, someway to calm myself versus the above surge of adrenaline that I no longer get from java. It's all part of the process I keep telling myself. But would someone please convince my heart!
I guess I want some sort of symmetry here versus ambiguity. I want so desparetly to be holding our daughter sooner rather than later. Since I have never been a Momma before, I don't even know if these emotions make sense, but yet month to month I do try and stay focused on the end result, finally having the child we so desparetly and patiently waited for! Yes, that makes this entire wait worth it. So for now, yep I am hanging again, by a Thin Red Thread,

and will lay off the coffee for a bit.


oigoink said...

You have nothing to worry about and you will be a great mom!!! May the time pass quickly.

myheartbeatsinChina said...

Oh, you are so sweet!
I needed to hear some comforting words.
By the way isn't it funny that this is the year of the Pig and look at your email address. Pretty wild I think.

Yes may the time pass swiftly.

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