Back to Basics

OKAY, I KNOW THIS TITLE IS A CHRISTINA AQUILERA SONG, BUT OVER THE PAST FEW MONTHS THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING...GETTING BACK TO THE BASICS SO THAT I CAN SORT OF GET BACK ON TRACK. BLOGGING HAS TAKEN A BACK SEAT THESE DAYS TO OTHER EVENTS, BUT HAVING LOOKED BACK AT PREVIOUS POSTS I REALIZED THIS BLOG HAS ALLOWED ME TO MAKE SOME AMAZING FRIENDS AND BRAG ABOUT MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL. SO HAVING SAID THAT, I'M GOING TO TRY AND GET BACK IN THE LOOP.

SO WHAT IS KIRA UP TO AT 32 MONTHS OF AGE

• TALKING UP A STORM. NOW SPEAKING 6-8 WORD SENTENCES AND I'M SO HAPPY!
• CLIMBING AND JUMPING
• RIDING HER TRIKE (IN THE HOUSE, BECAUSE MOMMY CAN'T RUN AS FAST AS SHE CAN PEDDLE THAT BIKE).
• BOSSING HER DOG AROUND.
• ROLE PLAYING WITH ELMO, MAX AND RUBY.
• MAKING NEW FRIENDS IN PRE-SCHOOL AND LEARNING TO CLEAN UP!
• CAN DRESS AND SOMETIMES COORDINATE HER OUTFITS.
• COUNTS TO 12 AND KNOWS ALL HER ALPHABETS.
• CAN PUT TOGETHER 12 PIECE PUZZLE WITHOUT HELP.
• THINKS HER KITCHEN IS A REAL KITCHEN AND SO I FIND ALL KINDS OF STUFF IN IT!
• NOW ANSWERS THE REAL PHONE AND CONVERSES WITH MY FRIENDS!
• SHE CRAYONS ON THE BIG SCREEN TV AND ALSO WASHES IT OFF.
• CAN THROW A BALL LIKE COLE HAMMEL (GO PHILLIES)!
• SHE LOVES TO DANCE AND REALLY HAS SOME RHYTHM.
• LOVES GIRLY THINGS (PURSES, SHOES, DRESSES).
• ENJOYS PLAYING WITH HER FRIENDS AND ASKS FOR SARAH ALL THE TIME!
• READS BOOKS TO HER DOG AND ELMO BABIES.

SHE IS A SHEER DELIGHT AND CAN OUT TALK ME:))

OCCASIONALLY SHE WILL HAM IT UP FOR THE CAMERA SO HERE'S SOME OF MY FAVORITE OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS.

A step at a time

MY DEAR FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS, A HUGE THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS OF COMFORT AND SUPPORT. I'VE GOT CARDS FROM PEOPLE I NEVER MET AND THEN THOSE I AM SO CLOSE TO. I AM SO AMAZED AT THE OUTPOURING OF LOVE FOR MY FAMILY AND I, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY VERY GRATEFUL.

IT'S STILL SO DIFFICULT FOR ME TO GET THROUGH THE DAYS WITHOUT SPEAKING TO MY MOM. TODAY, KIRA REACHED FOR HER PHOTO AND SAID "MOM MOM IS IN MY HEART" AND PUT HER HAND ON HER CHEST. I BURST OUT IN TEARS OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING HER. THEN SHE PROCEEDED TO GENTLY KISS THE PHOTO AND HAND IT BACK TO ME. I GUESS SHE SENSES MY PAIN, I JUST HOPE SHE DOESN'T HEAR ME CRYING LATE AT NIGHT.

MY DAYS ARE FULL OF PLAY WITH MY DAUGHTER, BUT MY NIGHTS REMAIN PENSIVE.

I HOPE TO CATCH UP ON THIS BLOG HERE SOON. I HAVE SOME GREAT PHOTOS THAT NEED TO BE HERE AND ALSO WHEN I LOOK BACK AT THIS BLOG, I REMEMBER IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME WHEN I GOT MY NEW "MAKEOVER" BLOG. I MISS BLOGGING AND MAKING NEW FRIENDS AND WANT TO POST SOON.

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN FOR SHOWING YOUR CONCERN AND HELPING ME TO SOMEHOW HEAL AND GET THROUGH THIS.

A Mother's Love

I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO BLOG OF LATE, MOSTLY BECAUSE I WAS SO FOCUSED ON MY PHOTOGRAPHY, NOW I THINK THAT WAS LOST TIME AS CURRENTLY I MUST DEAL WITH A FAMILY TRAGEDY.

USUALLY I AM GIFTED WITH WORDS OF COMFORT WHEN IT COMES TO OTHERS I CARE ABOUT, BUT THIS TIME I AM COMPLETELY LOST. LOST AND LONELY, ISOLATED AND SCARED, ANXIOUS AND ANGRY, BECAUSE THE WOMAN WHO BROUGHT ME INTO THIS WORLD, SUDDENLY LEFT, LEAVING ME WITH ALL THESE EMOTIONS I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DEAL WITH.

I FIND MYSELF RE-VISITING MY PAST, HOPING THAT WHEN I DREAM, I FIND MY MOTHER STANDING NEXT TO ME SMILING AND TELLING ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. THEN I AWAKE AND THIS SINKING FEELING HITS ME THAT I'LL NEVER SEE HER BEAUTIFUL SMILING FACE AGAIN.

SO NOW I THINK ABOUT MY MOTHER'S LEGACY TO ME, THE GIFT OF LOVE THAT TRANSCENDS DECADES, EVOLVING INTO A BOND THAT GROWS STRONGER THROUGH YEARS AND IS NEVER BROKEN. IT IS SECURITY, ADVICE AND STRENGTH TO MOVE FORWARD WHEN YOU THINK YOU CAN'T, IT IS JOY, CONTENTMENT AND WARMTH ON A BRISK FALL DAY. BUT MOST OF ALL, THIS LOVE, IS ABOUT A MOTHER AND HER DAUGHTER, WHO NOW GRACIOUSLY WILL CARRY ON A LEGACY OF HER LIFE STORIES.

WHILE I DEBATED WRITING ANYTHING ABOUT MY LOSS, I REALIZED THAT THIS BLOG IS ABOUT OUR LIVES AND CERTAINLY MY MOTHER WAS A VERY IMPORTANT FIGURE IN MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE. I JUST HOPE I CAN BE HALF THE MOTHER TO KIRA THAT MY DEAR MOTHER WAS TO ME.

MOM,
I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!

A Day at the Beach

Kira had so much fun running and jumping around on the beach.  It was nearly impossible to get her to sit still, but that was the fun part!  Watching her put her feet in the water for the first time brought back so many memories for some reason.  I guess the "shore" will always be my home away from home since I practically grew up there.

These photos were taken along a NJ shoreline  if you can believe it.  Lightroom works wonders for muddy water:))  The first photo is my favorite because I caught that great look she occasionally gives me.  These were all taken with natural light around 5pm with my 50mm lens.  It was definitely fun to get to the beach, finally...if only to take a few photos!

Happy 4th of July

A Bit of Sass and Silliness

I LOVE THIS FACE!

I SAID MOVE OVER!

YOU GO FIRST DOG!

AWH, HER BEST FRIEND!  THE BIG DOG WITH A BIG KISS FOR KIRA

I'VE FALLEN AND CAN'T GET OUT !

FIRST INTRODUCTION TO TREE CLIMBING AND AWAY SHE GOES!

YOU WANT ME TO COME DOWN!  WELL COME AND GET ME MOMMY!

I LOVE THE WAY THE TREE SEEMS TO BE THE FRAME IN THIS PHOTO.  SOMETHING CAUGHT HER EYE, PROBABLY AN ANT!

IT'S BEEN PRETTY RAINY THIS MONTH SO THESE PHOTOS WERE TAKEN A FEW WEEKS AGO.  I CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE RAIN, IT JUST MAKES THE GARDENS AND GRASS GREENER FOR A LONGER TIME, BUT IT DOES MAKE FOR SOME INTERESTING ENTERTAINMENT FOR A 2 YEAR OLD.  

KIRA'S LANGUAGE ACQUISITION HAS STEADILY IMPROVED.  NOW SHE'S SAYING SENTENCES, YELLING AT THE DOG, ASKING FOR THINGS AND REFERRING TO HERSELF AS "ME" OR "KEE".  SHE LOVES HER DOG RECCHI, BUT LOVES BOSING HIM AROUND MORE (AS YOU CAN SEE).  

I FOUND HER SINGING THE THEME SONG TO "ELMO'S WORLD" AND SILENTLY LAUGHED AT SHE DELIGHTFULLY AND PROUDLY BELTED OUT THAT TUNE!

POTTY TRAINING IS ON THE BACK BURNER FOR SOME REASON, BUT HEY, SHE'S BUSY LEARNING TO SPEAK, CLIMB AND RECENTLY COUNT TO 9.  SHE'S ALSO ENGAGES IN PLAYING MOMMY TO ELMO AND HER STUFFED KITTY AND WRAPS THEM UP IN TOWELS AND PLACES THEM IN HER BED TO SLEEP.  

SHE'D RATHER BE OUTSIDE ALL THE TIME AND LOVES WATCHING THE BUNNIES HOP ACROSS THE GRASS.

TRULY GROWING BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS, I AM TRYING TO CAPTURE SOME OF HER PERSONALITY WHICH DEFINITELY IS A COMBINATION OF SASS AND SILLINESS.

I AM SO PROUD OF THIS CHILD, WHO CONTINUES TO BE SUCH A SWEET AND SENSITIVE LITTLE GIRL THAT CONTINUES TO CAPTIVATE THE ATTENTION OF HER ADORING FAMILY.

Birthday Fun

PRECIOUS BABY

HANDSOME NICK

NICK TEACHING THE GIRLS HOW TO DRINK FROM A FOUNTAIN (NOTICE SARAH'S MAKING THE EFFORT)!  

AFTER SEEING HER BIG BROTHER GULPING WATER, SARAH GIVES IT A TRY!  I LAUGHED SO HARD WHEN I SAW HER EXPRESSIONS...SIMPLY PRICELESS.  NICK WAS OFF TO THE SIDE STARTING AND STOPPING THE WATER AT HIS SISTERS EXPENSE, BUT SHE WAS DETERMINED TO GET A DRINK IN THE HEAT OF THE DAY!  

TWO BABES PLAYING WITH THE FOUNTAIN AND HAVING SOME GOOD OLD FASHION FUN!

THESE TWO RAN AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND...AND AROUND!

"GOTCHA", NO I GOT YOU!"

SARAH, I THINK YOU DROPPED THIS!  SARAH'S LOOK SAYS' IT ALL, NO WAY, THAT'S NOT MINE!

WELL, I CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO SPEND MY BIRTHDAY THEN WITH MY DAUGHTER AND DEAR FRIEND LISA  AND HER TWO CHILDREN.  

KIRA ALREADY HAS A CRUSH ON NICK (OR NICKNE AS SHE CALLS HIM) AND SARAH WAS JUST AS FUNNY AS EVER WITH HER ANIMATED EXPRESSIONS.  WE TOOK THE KIDS TO THE PARK TO GET SOME PHOTOS, BUT IT SEEMS THEY WOULD RATHER PLAY AND PLAY HARD THEY DID!

I THINK WE NEEDED ONE OF THOSE HIGH POWERED SPORTS PHOTOG LENS TO CAPTURE THE ACTION.  BUT THESE WERE THE HIGHLIGHTS OF SOME VERY FUNNY PHOTOS!

A Trip to the Gardens

SHE'S ALL I NEED FOR MY BIRTHDAY!

PROBABLY BY NOW EVERYONE KNOWS HOW CRAZY I AM FOR FLOWERS AND GARDENS. I'VE ALWAYS LOVED TO GARDEN AND WONDERED IF SOMEDAY I WOULD HAVE MY OWN GREENHOUSE. HOWEVER, WITH LONGWOOD GARDENS ABOUT AN HOUR FROM OUR HOUSE, FORGET MY OWN, THIS PLACE IS SO THERAPEUTIC FOR THE MIND AND SENSES. EVEN THE BABE ENJOYS FREELY RUNNING AROUND. I HAD TO GET SEASON PASSES AND NOW THERE'S NO EXCUSE TO NOT GO! THERE'S ACRES AND ACRES OF EVERY PLANT AND THEN GREENHOUSES FULL OF MORE! I'LL BE POSTING SOME OF MY FLOWERS SHOTS ON MY OTHER PHOTO BLOG. BUT HERE'S SOME CUTE PHOTOS OF KIRA HAVING FUN. AFTER A WEEK OF RAIN, IT WAS GREAT TO GET OUT!

DETERMINED TO GET THAT DRINK OF WATER (EVEN THOUGH I HAD IT WITH ME)

HEY PARENTAL UNITS!  I'M COMING, I'M COMING.


SWEET BABY GIRL.

OH THIS PLACE IS NICE.  OKAY YOU CAN TAKE A PIC OF ME HERE:))

It's June Already

Where does the time go?  I honestly can't believe it's June and the next thing you know it will be August, September and back to the hustle and bustle of getting ready for the holidays!  Oh well, guess being a Mom has been keeping me busier than I thought, in addition to my new addiction of photography!  Yes I am completely glued to flickr these days and learning new ways to process my photos.  However, the sweetest photos are the ones I take of my Kira, saying "no Mommy" as she pushes me over.  

My little bug has grown these past few months...talking, climbing and in her own way "arguing" that it's not time to go to bed yet (there's just so much to explore in one day)!  I have to say I find her pretty entertaining these days as she is repeating almost everything she hears or what I ask her to say.  Some words are quite clear and others are cute Kira talk.

I love when she says Mommy!  Now that's very clear instead of Maaaaah

She wants me to put lipstick on her when she sees me putting it on and the other day I saw her take deodorant and rub it under her arms, laughing to myself that she truly does mimick what she sees.  Elmo is still her home boy, but she's slowly acclimating to DadadaDora!  Thank goodness, new DVD's to buy and listen to.  However I can't knock elmo completely, those DVD's have taught her shapes, colors and how to count to 10.  She loves to sing her ABC's, Old McDonald and The Itsy Bitsy Spidey (as she affectionately refers to it).  She can ask for her little friends by their names, Maddie, Sarah and Tori and is as excited to see them as I am my friends (their Mommy's).  Yes, my baby girl is growing up and it's happening right before my eyes.  If it weren't for my photography, I wouldn't realize the changes.  She's taller, more muscular and definitely stronger.  Her facial features are more more pronounced, but there's still just a small scar over the right side of her upper lip from the repair done while she was only 5 months old.  She remains so engaging and happy and so enjoys being in the company of family and friends.  

Okay, so this is another post where I am bragging, but I can't help it.  She's my daughter and I still love saying repeating that!

So as the days of June go by, I will try even harder to make the summer days linger as I watch my daughter explore, learn and love the world around her.

Thankful

DEAR SWEET KIRA,

HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH YOU MAKE  ME SMILE EACH AND EVERY DAY?

IF I HAVE NEGLECTED TO, WELL, YOU DO!

HAVE I PLANTED ENOUGH KISSES ON YOUR FACE TODAY?

IF NOT, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT I PLANT AN EXTRA FEW!

HAVE I WHISPERED IN YOUR EAR TODAY THAT I AM THANKFUL  YOU ARE A PART OF MY LIFE?

IF NOT, LET ME TELL YOU THAT I AM VERY THANKFUL AND WILL ALWAYS BE SO.  YOU ARE MY WORLD!

Tuesday's Thoughts

It's been a wild and crazy past few weeks and I have slacking here on my blog. But during the past few weeks I have seen some amazing changes in my little girl. She is incredibly independent, verbal and almost potty trained. She finally says "MOMMY" (instead of MAA, like blah), and has become so much more interactive with other children. I love to hear her giggles and babbling and bought a camera to capture these tender moments. When ever I figure out how to upload a clip I will be sure to post it.
She always amazes me with something new. For example, I was driving home from the store and instead of humming some country ballad to myself, I burst out with the ABC song. With the radio still on, I heard Kira say "L M N O P" AND ALMOST hit the brakes! At first I thought I was hearing things and turned off the radio, started over and she repeated it again. Oh my goodness, where have I been when she started learning the alphabet song? It was a very cute moment and she now still sings it with missing letters and her interpretation of the song (which somehow includes elmo). She also does the Itsy Bitsy Spider in her car seat and I just crack up, especially since I've not really acted out that song with her in a long time. But some how she remembers and sings outloud!

Okay, so I am THRILLED and yes bragging a bit! But isn't that the innate right of a Mom. Guess it's more special since clefting was assumed to affect her speech. But with words like tropical bird, giraffe, lion, baby and so many others, clearly she's determined to speak and hasn't displayed any speech issues for her age. I am so glad because some of her sleep issues and tantrums have also resolved with her ability to communicate more effectively. I now look back and think, you know, I would be pulling my hair, scratching and hitting myself too if no one could understand me.

So for the next few weeks I'll be paying more attention to my precious daughter so I don't miss her discovering new words or songs. I know she has an affinity for music and can even tap out a beat on her little legs, too funny!

Thinking of a Mother across the world

Without giving away my, unhmmm age here, let's just say many years ago the hopes and dreams of becoming a biological Mommy were dashed when I was quite young.   I spent the majority of my adult life trying to find answers and "replacements" for the void I had in my heart.  I've had few regrets along the way, one involving a previous relationship and the other not adopting sooner!!!   This post is still very difficult to write and talk about (goodness knows I'm never at a loss for words).  

However,  sixteen months ago I did become a Mommy, to the most amazing little girl in the world, my daughter Kira!  No one could ever convince me that she didn't come from my womb because of the immense love I have for this child.  I never thought it was possible to love so deeply, unconditionally and without conviction, until this child entered my life.  It is an amazing feeling, one that I am sure any mother biological or adoptive could appreciate and I am so glad that I can thank the PRC and Holt International for making my dream of motherhood, reality.  

However, there is also another very important person who I will always think about, not just on Mother's Day, but sometimes all through the year.  That person is Kira's biological mother, who resides half a world away.  I often hope that she knows how loved her daughter is and that she did find her way into our forever family.  I also hope that she is somehow at peace with herself for having to relinquish her tiny newborn.  I know that this woman loved Kira as she kept her for two months before leaving her to be found in Hunan.  It was due to Kira's clefting issue that we believe led to her abandonment, since surgery and follow up care is so expensive there.  It breaks my heart, but at the same time I know she did the right thing, for her baby's sake.  

So today, I am not thinking of myself, I am thinking of Kira's birth mother. 

Rain Rain go away!

A sunny Spring Day!  Amazing, the rain has finally subsided, at least for a while anyway.  Even Kira has been saying "outside" Mommy.  I think it's kind of cute that she asks to go outside because one of the first things that I recall from her social evaluation in You Xian was being fond of the outdoors.  And so she is, just like me:))

The past few days we've been playing and watching the flowers start to peek out of my little garden.  The grass is so green and the remnants of a cold winter are now long forgotten.  I almost can't believe that it's Spring, but every where you look there's pretty reminders.

I have neglected my blog and for good reasons.  My sweet daughter usually must have most of my attention, which makes it difficult to blog and keep up.  In addition, I am pursuing my love for photography and have been practicing diligently, which I find is quite time consuming.  Howver, it's so worth it and I can't wait to capture more photos of Kira.  Currently, she runs from the camera or turns her head and who could blame her:))  My good lens requires that I get right up in her face and I guess I would be put out too.  Give her a ball, elmo and a few skittles though and I think she'll cooperate.  Now I need an assistant to direct the light (as I now know from the Pixel Fairy Princess Workshop).